Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
