And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Randomize