you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
