Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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