so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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