Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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