I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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