i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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