didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
