Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
