Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
