he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize