First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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