omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
