oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am one with the molecules
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
