The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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