Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
