dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
