Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
