i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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