Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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