my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
