Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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