I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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