I didn't shave. On purpose
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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