I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize