I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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