On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
