how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
