do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
that's an acceptable place to lick
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't deserve a penis
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
