Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize