After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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