whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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