She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
