Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
