chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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