i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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