She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
