sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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