Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize