I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
