So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
