We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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