fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
