she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
