You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize