I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
