oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
