It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
