and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
