I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
