Banned from zoo.
Again?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
