So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize