Kiss
Puke
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
