He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
