Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize