he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
