I want to make a zoo with you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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