i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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