I checked into jail on foursquare
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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