Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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