Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
