Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
