The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
