so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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