If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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