your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize