u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
