R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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