i need an iv and a liver transplant
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
