Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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