dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
