You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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