I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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