Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm getting married
To pizza
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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