I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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