Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
