i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
