just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
