stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You smell like stripper and shame
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
