I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize