well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he laminated a picture of his dick.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
