couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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