walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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