So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize