Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
