I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
