i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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