so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
