i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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