Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
