Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
