Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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