Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
