ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
