we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
