he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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