The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
