During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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