trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
